6

Today is the day we became Blue-eyed Grandpa, Sweet Grandma a/k/a/ Hepa and Hema, Momma, Aunt, Uncle. Terrific joy, love, celebration and blessings. xos ;-)

This Makes 71

James is playing music for you right now. I'm writing this to you. Michelle and Natalie toasted you earlier tonight on video with Mom. There is a space between where we loved you while you were still here and where we have to love you now. That space is filled with the way we love you by loving each other. It's also filled with the way we love you by loving the things we do. So as James is playing music that would make you dance, and I'm trying to write words that would make you nod, and Michelle is doing everything with Natalie that would make you proud, and Mom is being an amazing mom and grandma in all the ways that would make you grin, we're loving you.

Happy birthday, Dad.

11/18/39

Look what RJP and RMP started on that day! Little did they know then! HBD, REP! We'll never forget this day/you. xos JCRP

Where You're From

Dad, I wish you could be here to talk with me about Maine. I went up to St. Francis, Fort Kent and Allagash with Uncle Peter at the end of September. We didn't get to see everyone--it was only a weekend--but I've been wanting to go for a long time. It's just been hard to make the trip since my last plans to go were for your reunion, the one that came the summer after you left.

The leaves were in full color. You'd have loved the trip. I learned more about you, more that makes me proud, more that makes me want to learn more. Though nothing can make up for missing out on you, this trip reminded me how easy it is to be in touch--or out of touch. My aunts and uncles and cousins brought you to life in their voices or hints of the accent you mostly left behind, or in the food that makes me smile at you. I keep telling your story, Dad. I keep listening for it too.

Father's Day 2010

Hello everyone. We are all having many thoughts and memories as this day approaches, as always. Take care. I love you. xos :-)

June 6, 1979

On this date in 1979 we hadn't met our son/brother/nephew/uncle/grandson as yet and were wondering when 'baby P.' would arrive and whether on due date or over due. How lucky we were again. How lucky we are still. xos

June 6,2010

This date reminds me of Uncle Billy, Uncle Charles and Uncle Ward, who all served in WWII. Those of my generation knew this date's revelance and significance as well as their own birhdates. We cannot and will not ever forget you. xos

May 14 2010

I just ran a special errand as per a special request. I placed a lilac sprig from our yard on your grave from MBP and a small rock (happens to have a few sparkles in it too) on your headstone, Blue-Eyed Grandpa, also by special request from NAP-L today. A purple chyrsanthamum is still there too. Soon a new flag will be too, to replace the badly torn one from last year that I'd had to remove. I also said hello and prayers from all too, as I always do and hello to the Sake-Monster/ Pretty-Puppy too. Miss you too. Hope you are at peace with your loved ones. xos

When time gets bigger

The last time I spoke with you, two years ago this week, you were tired and sick. I saw you letting go and wanting to hold on. You wanted life and you wanted to keep going, but with a heart that could take you along with it.

I know what it is like to want to be better for others and it is a worthy fight to continue to live with the strength of those you love (who love you) when you feel your own hope is deflated. But in those your last weeks you could no longer even live for others and I knew it was time to let you go.

If I could have gotten you back with your laugh and your smile, without a cough or an exhausted face, I'd have given years of my life. But you gave me courage to take the years I have and do something more with them, because I know that what you believed in was stronger than this world and almost as strong as your love for the things on it. We were very different, but we shared in some things.

You always appreciated the beauty the Earth offered you and I think about the places I get to see with that adoration. (I know this is part of how you and Mom were alike too.) I hear you telling me how much you loved this country as I take in the rivers and the oceans and the mountains and the desert and the forest. I go beyond what is comfortable for me in part because you did not have that luxury. I appreciate my opportunities because of what you sacrificed.

I know you'd do it differently, and I love you even more for supporting me even though I did/do not do it the same way. It is what you lived and died for that instills strength in me when I want to make the world better but feel exhausted. It is your lessons on work that teach me to make an income but realize sometimes that is just what you do on the side so that you can live for real, and in the future, live for more.

I'm going to take you with me everywhere I go, Dad. As time gets bigger, further away from when you were here, I do not lose sight of you. I only see more clearly how I miss you and how I want you to live on.

~atp

What a difference....

.....a day makes! On this day we were a very happy, excited, impatient and curious expectant couple and on the next we were washed over with love in a new way....we were a family...with more members and even more love to share in follwing years....what a difference a day makes! Sweet memories of the best days ever. :-) xos